Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
