her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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