It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
