He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
