Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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