The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
