just come out here and I will go home with you...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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