Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
