I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
PANTIES FOUND
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