To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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