his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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