even my farts smell like vagina
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
