Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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