Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
