girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize