I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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