did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
