whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
