Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
