I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can't turn off my feet"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
