trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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