Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
organizing the empties. That sober.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
