I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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