WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
