I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
