well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
