btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
