I cannot find my penis.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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