he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
