What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
