i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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