Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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