I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
