is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize