so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
