I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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