this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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