I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
