I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
