WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
