So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
