Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
