it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
