my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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