I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
