Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
