just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
