So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
