Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize