So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
