all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
