I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
