I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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