Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
