If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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