and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
