She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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