I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize