She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
