you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sober January is a disaster.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize