got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
