my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize