connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
