Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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