so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
