I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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