when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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